Hello it's me again.

I have not been around much as my beloved lap top went into repair and it has taken nearly a month to get it back! So I have only
been doing very short stints on the internet because my steam driven desk top keeps restarting itself and losing what I have just wrote

Any way I digress. I have a problem. Although I appear to be getting a little better some days, but then I go back again a bit and then I go forward a bit,
well it is really a problem with my work here on the farm. Some days I just don't want to get out of bed. I wake up aching all over and just want to stay
there and let my body tell me when I can get up and get going. Which I have been doing, but then whilst I told myself I was looking after me, my partner was obviously
getting fed up of doing everything himself. He started to manufacture ill health, as a lot of men do (I know not all of them but some do!). So with an almighty attack
of the guilts I started to push myself a bit more and after the first day, I was a wreck the next day! But then a couple of days on I have recovered although my
knuckles have swollen a bit more and my ankles are playing up, and the tops of my feet (Lyn!)

So where was I. Yes what the blooming heck do I do. I keep trying to talk to him about it but he says we can't afford to employ someone and if I don't do it
he will do it. Tells me not to worry, BUT I can.t lie here "recovering" when he is out there working his butt off! I can't get sick pay, can't pay anyone else and
I am getting myself into a tizzie. He starts lambing the last batch of ewes this week, he is down there as I speak and they are overdue!! (blooming new ram looks as if
he took his time about things). He has started the late night/early morning shifts already and I am not helping. Even if I did go out and look out for lambs I couldn't assist a
birth because my knuckles and wrists are too sore. I can't do anymore during the day with the hens because that just causes me more pain in the hands andfeet and knees and hips standing for hours on end picking up eggs. I keep thinking it's not just pain, because so long as I have pain, am I not risking damaging my joints too?

Any Ideas?

Julie x

Sorry to hear all you are going through Julie, to say it is a difficult time is a great understatement, the stress alone must be difficult to cope with just now.

I am far from being an expert, but your RA doesn t appear to be under control. would it be worth trying to see your rheumy nurse and explaining the situation to find out if there is anything more than can do for you at the moment.

I hope this situation improves for you very soon, take care.

Julia a

Dear Ailsa, Julia and Rose

Thanks for your comments. It's a difficult one, but the one thing i have realised is you are right it is not under control yet. It might be I will be able to do more in the future but I know I shall never be the same. I did ring my other half one morning and reported sick, but he laughed, thought I was joking, that's the trouble with having a sense of humour, .

I do have to see the nurse tomorrow (thursday). I think that is half my problem I have no idea what is going on with regard to my diagnosis and treatment. A lot of people seem to know exactly what their bloods are and their levels for different things, yet I haven't been told anything. When I go to the GP for the fortnightly blood tests I ask at each one how the results are for the previous ones and just get told all fairly normal. I was originally told I would be on 25 mg of Metho but at the moment I am only on 15mg so it might be that I shall get upped a bit on that? I definitely feel less tired than I did a couple of weeks ago, but i still struggle to get done only a portion of what I used to before my joints protest.

I was due to see the consultant in February (I have only seen him once for 10 minutes on 21st October 2010) but that appointment has been changed to May because of problems beyond their control! I have not been referred to anyone like the physio or podiatrist or occupational therapy or anything, and I have not even been told whether these will be available to me. I suffered with plantar faciitis for years had steroid injections and ultra sound, even thought the pain was not restricted to my heal but all over the bottom of my feet and also along th top. I used to walk so flat footed and still do when they play up. Looking at the survey of hospitals on the Health Unlocked website, it does seem North Devon is not the best place to be if you have RA.

Thanks for your support. It is much appreciated I'll let you know how I get on.

Take Care x Julie

Julie

I am so sorry that you are struggling at the moment. I know exactly what you mean when you say partners also manage to manifest illnesses when we are ill. I am recovering from an knee replacement operation, and my Husband is moaning more about his "aches and pains" than I am.

Has your partner read the really good NRAS booklets about R.A? I gave them to my family and they now have more of an understanding that some days are o.k. and others are bad. Unfortunately I don't think anyone without RA can understand how debilitating and painful this disease can be. You just need to bang home that at the moment you are struggling and, yes it may get better, if you can get it under control, and really the more you are able to rest the more you will have the energy to do a few small jobs rather than nothing when you are in constant pain. Your partner needs to be educated in RA either through booklets or maybe accompanying you to your next RA appointment? Just a thought but you need to be selfish to be able to get back a quality of life.

As for getting referred to for physio, occupation health etc, I think you need to do as I did. Insist!!!!! If your bloods are o.k. then they automatically assume that you are not too bad and can cope. I found out to my cost that my RA is far worse than my blood tests show. When the surgeon opened my knee up he could see that I have very bad inflammation and severe damage to my joints and it looks like I have had RA for many years. My RA nurse looked at my knees in January when I cried how much pain I was in. She said they looked o.k. and were not inflamed and as my blood tests did not show much inflammation, all she could do was increase my pain killers. One month later after seeing a RA Consultant privately I was booked in for a total knee replacement. I was told that within 12 months I would have been wheelchair bound if they had not operated. Looking at blood tests and xrays you would think I was only suffering from minor RA. How wrong they were. Only you can judge how bad your RA is and you need to start making a fuss and make your RA team aware that you are not coping and how much pain you are in and, more importantly, how it is affecting your home and working life.

Even if your appointment is not until May there should be someone you can talk to now to ask for advice such as a RA nurse.

I hope you find some relief soon.

Jackie
xx

Hi Julie
Just to say thinking of you and really hope you have a good appt with the nurse.. Make sure you tell her everything as your RA is definitely not under control, its awful the guilt we feel Im off sick this week as having a bad flare but I feel really guilty! Its awful that you have to wait until May to see consultant when your so unwell and the stress of worrying about the farm and your hubby will be making it worse! Good luck today and take care luv ceri xx

Hi Julie,

Sorry that you are having a problem at the moment and your partner is not as understanding as he might be, he is probably worried about you and finds it difficult to show his feelings.

The worse thing you can do is push yourself it will only make you worse, but you are in a difficult position, those animals need to be cared for.

This might be a silly suggestion but if there are lots of unemployed people in your area can't you advertise for an apprentice to work, I think it costs approx £90 a week ( I don't know if you have to pay this or the government) it would help you and you would be helping out an unemployed youngster.

Hope you feel better soon.

Anne x

Dear Julie,
I was so pleased to hear that you had a good appointment
with the R.A Nurse and got a steroid injection.
Just having your hands feeling better will help you feel there is
improvement in the pain levels.
I read the post about taking on an apprentice if possible and it
does sound a good move!
Best wishes,
Fiona

Hi Julie

Pleased to hear that your meeting with the nurse went so well, it makes all the difference when you get the right understanding and feel that you can move on in a clearer light. It is good that you are going to discuss all this with the family and that they will know you need a lot more support with the farm. Its incredible how you have coped with it all for so long, so don t feel guilty that the situation has to change. I am self employed, fortunately not a manual job ! and instead of travelling two hours every day, now manage to work from home, I know we are losing a certain amount of business, which is already low on the ground due to the recession, but their hasn t been any optioin as my RA still isn t under control either as yet.

We will all get there in the end and have a better quality of life, we just have to know our limitations at the moment and behave ourselves

Julia x

Hi Julie

Really sorry to read about yor worries. I too live on a farm and know exactly what you are going through, although I also have my own business.

Have you tried contacting RABI (The Royal Agricultural Benevolent Institution) for support. I don't have first hand experience of their work but know of a few farming families through my work that have had great benefit from their support. RABI is a charity that supports members of the farming community facing need, hardship or distress and is dedicated to helping those in need who are currently working full-time in agriculture as a farmer, farm manager or farm worker, or have previously done so for at least ten years and are now retired or have had to give up work due to chronic illness or disability. They will have a representative or support worker near you that may be able to help, even if it's just bending their ears. RABI have a confidential helpline on 01865 727888 or if you prefer, you can email them info@rabi.org.uk

You are more than welcome to contact me if you want to talk to someone that has experience of agricultural. Hope lambing has gone well with you - we're about half way through at the moment and I have a tired grumpy hubby walking about in a daze like he is every Februaray/March. Roll on April and we'll be back to normal.

Look after yourself,